If you know me as well as some do, you’ll know the phrase, “so hear me out…” all too well. Old and weird online conspiracy culture is almost my exclusive late night weekend ritual when I’m not playing a show. Per request of Ms. Foster (my biggest conspiracy fan–at least the most vocal person of my theories, good or bad), I will be explaining every bit of evidence why I believe that birds aren’t real.

Do you truly believe that all birds are real?

With the rate of extinction in recent years, most relevantly the extinction of the carrier pigeon, why would there be an abundance of species alive? With increasing technological advances, U.S. intelligence agencies would most obviously— yet covertly— be able to utilize surveillance drones through the use of replacement birds.

According to a leading conspiracy group, Birds Aren’t Real, CIA Director from 1953 to 1961, Allen Dulles was asked to reallocate 65 million dollars of public funding to find a way to exterminate all bird populations.

To spare you the details, essentially a B-52 bomber was specially built in Area 51 to be a covert stealth flyer. The architect had water tanks installed, the bottom painted matte black, all lights outside the plane were removed. The water tanks were filled with a serum gas that would dissolve into the bloodstream of the bird and dissolve the body entirely within 24 hours. After the construction of one, a full order of 120 Bombers was placed by the CIA, all built in Area 51.

Now that you get that part of how, allow me to explain some more gritty realizations.

JFK was in office at the time of this operation. No one but a few members of the CIA and the 23 men hired to build the Bombers knew of the project. All of this started construction in May of 1955.

In 1959, CIA started an operation titled “Water The Country,” where unwitting pilots would distribute the bird poison via the bombers’ water spraying systems under the rouse of helping the planet. JFK was unaware of this until 1963 when a tapped phone conversation of a White House Staffer to a CIA agent revealed this startling quote.

“We’ve killed about 1.1 billion so far,” the agent reportedly said. “and the best thing is, the robot birds we’ve released in their place have done such a good job that nobody even suspects a thing.”

Whether or not all of this is true, it does raise a question in my head of privacy.

I’ve read a few books in my day over fictional uses of surveillance, namely 1984 by George Orwell and Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury.

Who’s to say that this is far-fetched as opposed to these novels that are deemed realistic?

Personally, I think that the government would take any opportunity to keep intelligence on us in any capacity. Just recall back to the NSA phone tapping from years back, that started as a joke but ended up being very, very real and terrifying if you ask me. The CIA, NSA, and most of the government is full of opportunists who would take anything they can get.

Don’t believe everything you see ladies and gentlemen, question it all. Fact, fiction: you’ll never know the difference if you don’t ask the big questions.

The views in this column do not necessarily reflect the views of the GENESIS staff. Reach Jenaro DelPrete at [email protected].