According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention in 2021, men died by suicide 3.9 times more than women. Suicide is a leading cause of death among men, but why?

It is considered taboo for men to cry, especially in public. From a very young age, phrases such as “be a man” and “big boys don’t cry” are thrown at boys, belittling their self image. Boys grow to feel disconnected from their feelings and absorb the message that it is okay for them to not have any. Stoicism is highly associated with masculinity. Masculine behavior is described as strong and powerful while crying and emotional vulnerability are seen as feminine. However, gender does not exclude anyone from emotion. Crying is a biological response to any kind of emotional stimulus. Suppressing emotions,–including tears–can be unhealthy. 

Tears fall into three categories: basal, reflex, and emotional tears. Basal tears are produced by tear ducts to keep the eyes lubricated and healthy. Reflex tears are released to clear the eyes of irritants, such as smoke. Lastly, emotional tears flush stress hormones and toxins out of the body. These tears contain higher levels of adrenocorticotropic hormones, stimulating the release of cortisol, the “stress hormone.”

During the act of crying, the parasympathetic nervous system is activated, which puts the body into a “rest and digest” mode, helping it relax after a time of stress. This is why many people report feelings relieved after the act of crying. Crying is uncomfortable and leaves anyone feeling exposed and vulnerable. This does not mean that it is not an acceptable response. By refusing to cry, men gain a repressive coping style and emotional inhibition, which are both linked to feeling less social connection, social support, and empathy. Bottling up emotions may seem easier and safer to do, but this only creates a false sense of emotional safety. Over time, the dismissal of feelings can contribute to anxiety, stress, depression, and sometimes rage and resentment towards others. When the fear of emotional expression begins to affect relationships, cause significant distress, and/or lead to harmful behaviors, following the guidelines of society is not ideal. As Medium News Site said, “Most women cry from the outside to save themselves inside, while most men kill themselves by crying inside to save their outlook reputation.”

The fact that most men don’t cry does not mean that something is wrong with them, but rather that something is clearly wrong with society and the standards it has set for them. Elkhart High School Senior George Dibley can attest to this. “I can’t remember the last time I cried.” This is the harsh reality of men all over the world. It is harder to cope with feelings and seek support when the idea of not having any has been engraved in their minds from the beginning of their lives. When a man is crying in front of others–remembering that it may have taken everything in him to not do it–do not laugh or point fingers. A simple consolation or “It’s okay; we all have feelings” may go a long way. Try to understand that men need to cry just as much as women do. Stop jumping to conclusions and leaving them all alone from the onset. A crying man is never a sign of weakness! It proves he is human.